The Many Seasons of Life

In a forum I frequent, a woman suggested that mothers who stay home with their children are little more than babysitters and are shortchanging themselves and their communities by not "doing more". She also suggested that women are taken less seriously by men when acquiescing to the age old sentiment that "A woman's place is in the home".

Below is my response to her ....

Something important which your observations and opinions forget to acknowledge is the many seasons of life. We as women are not defined by a single season, but rather the sum total of all the wonderful seasons our lives embrace.

Before I was married and had children, I owned my own business. After my first child was born (premature and with a variety of allergies) I quickly moved away from the idea of taking my son to work with me. Recognizing he was my first priority and that his needs were unique, my husband and I decided to sell the business and I moved willingly into the life of a full time, stay-at-home mom.

Four years later when my second son was born, he was a welcome addition to the family and I was happy to relate to both my sons as their mother, their teacher, the protector, their friend ... but NEVER their babysitter. And on the few occasions when my husband took care of the boys solo, never did I say he was babysitting them (as I have heard many people comment when dads are home with the little ones). It seems to me that knowing they are his children too, and he is in the process of caring for them ... it simply is not babysitting!

Additionally, as we made the decision to become a homeschooling family, I further enjoyed the involvement in my sons' lives. Initially this left very little time for outside activities on my part, but as the boys grew and the seasons of their lives changed, so did mine.

Eventually amidst my changing responsibilities as a stay-at-home mom, I was able to start a small news-magazine with a friend and eventually co-found a magazine for Senior Citizens with my mother. By that time, my oldest son was no longer homeschooling - though my youngest still was and he often traveled with me to do interviews, gather advertising and deliver the publication to 30+ communities in the area.

After both of my sons entered college and moved away, a new season in my life began. My husband and I became very active in politics and eventually I was appointed to serve as Executive Director of the Libertarian Party of Illinois. During that time, as I spoke to Libertarians throughout the state, I found men and women alike were very interested in and respectful of our family's homeschooling efforts and experiences. Noticably, the interest and respect shown by the men did not resonate from a mindset of “a woman's place is in the home" attitude, but rather a "good for you for bucking the system and putting your libertarian ideals into action" attitude.

Recognizing that staying at home and raising our children is of value; knowing that our children grow up and leave home happy, healthy, secure and maybe even a little bit grateful as a result of the time and attention we have given them; and knowing that the different seasons in our lives are not limiting - but rather appropriate, productive and wonderful – makes stay-at-home moms' lives anything but shortchanged. In fact, I would suggest that stay-at-home moms are not only valuable to their families and communities -- but they can be a positive force on oh-so-many levels. To quote William Ross Wallace ... for the hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world.

Jan Stover, The Libertarian Mom

Daughters of the Revolution ... Mothers of the Republic

We, as American women, are all Daughters of the Revolution. Yes, proven blood line or not, this is our birthright. Lineage intact or unknown, this is our heritage. The extraordinary women of the American Revolution are unquestionably our Founding Mothers and so, in turn, we are their daughters ... generation after generation ... of the Revolution.

And just as we are daughters and mothers in life, we also carry both titles in the continued quest for liberty. As the American Revolution saw the birth of a nation and gave way to the growth of a newly formed Republic, the women of that great time in history birthed new ideas and teachings which educated and encouraged a new generation of young Patriots. Women organized such movements which came to be known as the Daughters of Liberty and the Republican Motherhood in an effort to instill in their children, not only the Founders’ vision, but the tools to become an educated, responsible electorate and citizenry.

The brave and eloquent women of our history have laid the groundwork for today’s outspoken female patriots and patriots yet to come. From Abigal Adams and Mercy Otis Warren to Mary Ruwart and Claire Wolfe - American women have moved through the ages while writing, teaching, advocating and practicing liberty.

Just as our Founding Mothers joined forces and organized movements, women today - as daughters and mothers - are still carrying the message of freedom and responsibility, still protecting our Republic.

From coast to coast, women are flying the banner of "eternal vigilance" - under different names and in different styles - but the banner continues to fly high none-the-less. Across this nation, women’s activism and accomplishments are furthering the cause of liberty, and sharing the Founding Mothers’ call to "protect and defend" our nation’s original message of independence. Whether it be on a national or local scene, women continue to reach out with the essential good news of liberty - and we as Daughters of the Revolution and as Mothers of the Republic are charged with doing the same.

How well we fulfill that charge, and by what means, is fodder for this blog and hopefully inspiration for Libertarian Moms as we work together for our children's future in what we hope will one day be a free world.

~ Jan Stover, The Libertarian Mom

Reason, Logic, Creativity, Civility, Discourse, Debate and Dissent

During my recent interview via Unplugged Educators Radio, the host (Laurette Lynn) and I were discussing how education has changed over the years. I shared my opinion on the importance of teaching our children the concepts of reason, logic, creativity, civility, discourse, debate and dissent. I also expressed my concern regarding schools which no longer include these concepts/values in their curriculum, suggesting they are short changing their students and in fact, the nation. Whether a shifting away from such principles in the school system is intentional or unintentional, the consequences are the same and we need to re-introduce and/or support existing curriculum which promotes the understanding and practice of these time honored traditions.

In discussing the concepts of reason, logic, creativity, civility, discourse, debate and dissent with other Libertarian Moms, several offered the following insights and I am pleased to included their personal interpretations via this blog.

Reason - as opposed to superstition
Logic - as opposed to intuition
Creativity - as opposed to bland conformity with tradition
Civility - as opposed to strident rudeness Discourse - as opposed to stay silent, not airing problems
Debate - as opposed to unconsidered acceptance(accepting)
Dissent - as opposed to requiring capitulation

Reason= motivating factor for an action or thought.
Logic= reasonable thinking.
Creativity= In studio classes we were always charged with creating our own art, but in art history we were taught there is basically no "new" art. I guess for me it would be my own way of doing something.
Civility= agree to disagree in a respectful manner
Discourse= a conversation, argument
Debate= a civil argument
Dissent= refusal to submit to authority

Reason and Logic, to me, go hand in hand. It is logical to follow what is reasonable. i.e. common sense. If more people just did what made sense rather than doing something that they know is not right, then the world would be a much better place. Be logical, be reasonable and encourage others to do the same.
Creativity to me can be many things. There may be an insurance salesman who uses loopholes in company policy to actually help customers. There may be a painter or an artist using their craft to make the word a better place. There may be a writer, telling stories or researching to tell the truth. It may be a child- everything they do is creative. It is their own, before they are shaped by the world and before many of them let their peers tell them who they are.
Civility to me is a hard one. Civil as in not arguing or voicing your opinion in order to keep the peace? (Not in my house, lol) Civil as in politically correct? (not so much) Civil to me means that you are polite and can deal with others in civilization. It is important to do this on a daily basis with children- especially home schooled children. This is what people mean when they cry "Their socialization!" in opposition to homeschooling. As if every child who is not brought through public schools will either be a robot answering questions as such with no spirit or a wild animal. It is up to us to show that children can have freedom of expression but behave, they can be socialized with their peers but not be dependent on them, they can use reason and logic without being an automaton, and be civil about it.
Discourse, debate, and dissent all rule my life. Why? Because to most, the concept of personal responsibility and freedom are alien ideas. When I talk about the changes I would like to see, I get a mildly horrified look. So, I am prepared to debate. My choices politically, and of course the ever present debate on parenting. It takes a lot of energy to constantly explain why you are not vaccinating, why you are homeschooling, why you don't like the people in charge... and on and on. It is all about educating people on your point of view so at the end, they understand what you mean even if they don't agree. The path to peace is paved with understanding.

In addition to these Libertarian Moms' ideas, Richard Dreyfuss has spoken eloquently on a number of these same concepts as seen during an appearance on HBO's Real Time with Bill Maher at : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fd7p1SGMuqU&feature=related

Jan Stover, The Libertarian Mom

Saying NO to Vaccinations ... At Any Age!

Neither of my sons were vaccinated throughout their elementary and high school years (we homeschooled some of those years, but not all, so we had dealt with government schools and the pretense that vaccinations are "mandatory").

At the time, my husband and I simply signed a form that indicated our decision to not have our sons vaccinated was religious based.

College was a bit more difficult ... the university (state funded) “insisted” my sons get their MMR vaccinations. Both boys were over 18 at the time, so they were legally and personally able/responsible to make their own choice on the matter (tho I strongly suggested they reject the idea of vaccinations).

My oldest son’s exposure to the vaccine went without incident. My youngest son’s story was quite different (and confirmed my fears about vaccines in general). He become VERY ill - extremely high fever, the worst headaches he had ever experienced, nausea, etc... A trip to the ER followed by several doctors visits confirmed his exposure to the vaccine played a significant part in triggering a virus that had possibly been laying dormant in his system (or introduce it?) and he was diagnosed with mononucleosis - a similar strain of virus as measles, meningitis, etc. He missed 2 weeks of classes and took several months to really get back on his feet (btw, he still suffers from viral infections more frequently than the average person).

Later, the university, in its infinite wisdom, decided that despite my son’s initial serious reaction to the first round of the MMR vaccine, he needed to follow up with a second round which was "required" of all students. We were able (at first) to get a medical exemption as mononucleosis had been confirmed via my son’s blood work and our doctor felt comfortable writing a letter stating that “at this time vaccinations were contraindicated”.

The school left no stone un-turned, however, and picked up on the “at this time”. They kept pushing for our doctor to give exact dates as to when he could/could not receive the vaccination, so we began to look for other solutions - and went back to the religious exemption idea. However, we were told that to claim a religious exemption - to satisfy the state - my son had to verify that he was attending a church where such a belief was in fact part of the church's practice/doctrine. He was not, so that option was unavailable to us.

Since we were convinced that another round of the MMR vaccination would seriously affect my son’s health AGAIN - there was no choice but to keep looking for ways to successfully opt out. After researching the subject via the internet, I discovered that a “PERSONAL religious exemption” was different than a religious exemption ... and so my son took that route, writing the following letter to the university:

"After much thought, reflection and meditation, my personal religious beliefs prohibit the injection of foreign substances into my body. Therefore, owing to the Knowledge that The Higher Power which created us all, rejects this same notion of foreign substances entering into the body, I object to the following vaccinations, including but not limited to, DTaP\DTP, HepB, Hib, MMR, Polio, Varicella, and MCV4. Therefore I am filing this personal religious exemption in accordance with: TITLE 77: PUBLIC HEALTH CHAPTER I: DEPARTMENT OF PUBLIC HEALTH SUBCHAPTER k: COMMUNICABLE DISEASE CONTROL AND IMMUNIZATIONS PART 694 COLLEGE IMMUNIZATION CODE SECTION 694.210 RELIGIOUS EXEMPTION”

The university finally backed off.

For more info on vaccinations visit: http://www.vaccineawareness.org/aboutIVAC.htm and http://www.thenhf.com/vaccinations.html

Jan Stover, The Libertarian Mom

"Cannots" to Learn From and Live By

You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.
You cannot help small men by tearing down big men.
You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
You cannot lift the wage-earner by pulling down the wage-payer.
You cannot help the poor man by destroying the rich.
You cannot keep out of trouble by spending more than your income.
You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.
You cannot establish security on borrowed money.
You cannot build character and courage by taking away men's initiative and independence.
You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they could and should do for themselves.

-- William Boetcker(1873-1962) German-born Presbyterian clergyman1916

My Interview with Laurette Lynn via Unplugged Educators Radio

Thanks to Unplugged Educators Radio for offering a wonderful venue where "out of the box" opinions on mothering are welcomed and encouraged. To hear my discussion with host, Laurette Lynn, on such topics as homeschooling, government schools, politics, and more, visit: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/unplugged-educators (and click on the Archived Program: Original Air Date: October 03, 2010)

Laurette and the show's producer, Desireé Alonso, have graciously selected the following quotes of mine (taken from our conversation) to post on Unplugged Educators Radio facebook page:

‎"My advice to parents: Sit down with your children at the dinner table. Let your children join in the conversation. Encourage and respect their questions. Your kids see you and watch you and learn."

‎"Let's call it what it is ... it is not a public school system, these are Government Schools."

"To be all obliging and congenial is not always the way to be."

~ Jan Stover, The Libertarian Mom

Thoughts on Stay-at-Home-Mothering vs Daycare

I realize the debate between stay-at-home-mothering vs daycare can sometimes get ugly, but the following thoughts have been rolling around in my head for some time now ... so here goes.

"I do not believe that all woman should stay home and have babies, but I am firmly convinced that all mothers should stay home and raise their children."

Now before I continue (or find some folks up in arms about the impracticality of my statement) let me also say this: I realize there are always exceptions to every rule. Some circumstances which would affect a mom's stay-at-home option might include: divorce, single parenting issues, mental and/or physical illness, finances, etc...But for lack of a set of circumstances beyond a mom's control, I do believe a mother's place is with her children. And if not possible at any one given moment in time, that should be the ultimate goal. And not just for the children's sake, mind you, but FOR THE MOTHER's sake as well!

Mothering is a wonderful experience and I know I am certainly a better person for having dedicated my time and energy to full time parenting. Not only did my kids always know (as Doctor Phil says ;-) that their home was "a safe place to fall" - but as their mother in this process, I reaped the benefits (then and now) of a uniquely close and enduring relationship with my sons.

BTW, in a libertarian world, with no income tax, it would be much more do-able financially for moms to stay-at-home. :-)

Jan Stover, The Libertarian Mom

Creating "Community"

We hear a lot about "community" these days ... as such, in this introductory post I want to offer my own thoughts on community -- investigating its meaning and purpose interpreted through a libertarian perspective. ~ Jan, The Libertarian Mom

Creating "Community"

Merriam-Webster recognizes the individual in its definition of community, showing such fellowship and organization as a reflection and manifestation of individuals’ needs, desires and interests. Accordingly, communities or groups should be created, sustained and thought of as an adjunct to the individual, rather than an entity maintained for its own purpose.

Merriam-Webster also describes community as “society at large” and, as such, calls to mind these historic words from Thomas Paine’s Common Sense ...

“SOME writers have so confounded society with government, as to leave little or no distinction between them; whereas they are not only different, but have different origins. Society is produced by our wants, and government by our wickedness; the former promotes our happiness positively by uniting our affections, the latter negatively by restraining our vices. The one encourages intercourse, the other creates distinctions. The first is a patron, the last a punisher. Society in every state is a blessing, but government even in its best state is but a necessary evil in its worst state an intolerable one ...”

Ron Paul’s Freedom Principles also aid in the understanding of community and groups as they relate to the individual as well as Paine’s assessment of society vs. government.
* Rights belong to individuals, not groups.
* Property should be owned by people, not government.
* All voluntary associations should be permissible -- economic and social.
* The government’s monetary role is to maintain the integrity of the monetary unit, not participate in fraud.
* Government exists to protect liberty, not to redistribute wealth or to grant special privileges.
* The lives and actions of people are their own responsibility, not the government’s.

So what then is community ... family, neighbors, homeschooling groups, churches, political organizations, food co-ops, online forums, social networking sites? Yes to all of the above. And through such communities, we find common ground by way of our shared interests, experiences, goals, strengths, and even weaknesses.

We create community by first recognizing the need for and benefits of joint effort in a given arena and then by inviting like-minded individuals to share that effort and ultimately that reward with us. We build community by bringing the best of ourselves to the group, by giving and receiving resources, tools and talents which enhance the lives of those involved.

Historically, community has been at the heart of our nation’s success, and loosing touch with community has initiated problems that are now becoming evident. In the wake of that realization, Americans are establishing relationships and reconnecting with community on a local and national level. People turning to people for friendship, assistance, information and resources ... and in response people voluntarily offering the same, is as Paine points out, a blessing.

To quote Karl Hess, well known and beloved libertarian author and activist, “The most revolutionary thing you can do is get to know your neighbors.” And to follow that thought with a quote from another libertarian mom and friend of mine, Lori Loranger, “A free market in goodwill is the same as an economic free market - the more interconnected we become, the more we really can’t afford to be enemies.” Having a better understanding that through community, we can and do find solutions that better enable us - as individuals - to live the lives we choose.