Below is my response to her ....
Something important which your observations and opinions forget to acknowledge is the many seasons of life. We as women are not defined by a single season, but rather the sum total of all the wonderful seasons our lives embrace.
Before I was married and had children, I owned my own business. After my first child was born (premature and with a variety of allergies) I quickly moved away from the idea of taking my son to work with me. Recognizing he was my first priority and that his needs were unique, my husband and I decided to sell the business and I moved willingly into the life of a full time, stay-at-home mom.
Four years later when my second son was born, he was a welcome addition to the family and I was happy to relate to both my sons as their mother, their teacher, the protector, their friend ... but NEVER their babysitter. And on the few occasions when my husband took care of the boys solo, never did I say he was babysitting them (as I have heard many people comment when dads are home with the little ones). It seems to me that knowing they are his children too, and he is in the process of caring for them ... it simply is not babysitting!
Additionally, as we made the decision to become a homeschooling family, I further enjoyed the involvement in my sons' lives. Initially this left very little time for outside activities on my part, but as the boys grew and the seasons of their lives changed, so did mine.
Eventually amidst my changing responsibilities as a stay-at-home mom, I was able to start a small news-magazine with a friend and eventually co-found a magazine for Senior Citizens with my mother. By that time, my oldest son was no longer homeschooling - though my youngest still was and he often traveled with me to do interviews, gather advertising and deliver the publication to 30+ communities in the area.
After both of my sons entered college and moved away, a new season in my life began. My husband and I became very active in politics and eventually I was appointed to serve as Executive Director of the Libertarian Party of Illinois. During that time, as I spoke to Libertarians throughout the state, I found men and women alike were very interested in and respectful of our family's homeschooling efforts and experiences. Noticably, the interest and respect shown by the men did not resonate from a mindset of “a woman's place is in the home" attitude, but rather a "good for you for bucking the system and putting your libertarian ideals into action" attitude.
Recognizing that staying at home and raising our children is of value; knowing that our children grow up and leave home happy, healthy, secure and maybe even a little bit grateful as a result of the time and attention we have given them; and knowing that the different seasons in our lives are not limiting - but rather appropriate, productive and wonderful – makes stay-at-home moms' lives anything but shortchanged. In fact, I would suggest that stay-at-home moms are not only valuable to their families and communities -- but they can be a positive force on oh-so-many levels. To quote William Ross Wallace ... for the hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world.
Jan Stover, The Libertarian Mom
Jan, I truly enjoyed this article. I actually bawled! My child, Grace, is the greatest treasure God has entrusted me with. For me, home school is the only option.
ReplyDeleteI love you!
ReplyDeleteThe deal in this country is that if you can't attach a dollar to it, it isn't valuable. Not to sound like a hippie, but it's true in regards to motherhood.
What's odd is that nobody takes into account economic contribution you make in savings. When you go to work, however, the first thing they do is force the wife to fork over her paycheck for daycare. How fair is that???
Why, then, would I want to go to work just to turnaround and pay somebody else to do the work that I want to do??? Yes, I actually choose to stay at home, and I love it!!!
Yeah!!!! Oooh just hearing that initial comment got me all hot under the collar! It is the lack of seriousness that women place on the value of Mothering that has brought us to this corrupt and broken state of affairs in our society today. We think we need a paycheck to be validated, or some outside recognition to feel worthy of living. It's sad and disturbing. Having a babysitter *is* a problem. We need to be with our kids. When our children thrive - that is our validation. Mothering is indeed a season in a woman's life; an extremely important season!
ReplyDeleteWell said Jan, Manon and Laurette.
ReplyDeleteI cannot understand how so many woman pass off their children to daycare so easily, and so often for chump change left at the end of the week after paying for expenses. My problem is with what to do after kids are grown and you can't find a job- No matter how much you worked to raise your kids,, no matter that your partner is successful enough to provide for the family, it seems as if one is considered a failure unless you get out there and find that job.
My Grandma stayed with us while my Mom went back to school and then on to work. She was still living with my parents when we kids moved away. Doesn't anyone do this anymore? None of us pushed her to go out and find a 'real' job. I think the Woman's Movement has a lot to answer for. It seems as if it has limited our choices.
Thanks for your responses ladies. I love sharing our thoughts and experiences on mothering ... a lifestyle that is so near and dear to our hearts.
ReplyDeleteThe life we women embrace as stay-at-home moms is indeed its own reward. We can also find the opportunities we create for ourselves after our children are grown to be wonderfully rewarding as well.
Knowing our worth is not contingent upon such things as the approval we may (or may not) receive from others, the way we view personal wealth, or the location and time frame in which we choose to earn an income ... but rather on the principles with which we raise our family and achieve our goals (whatever season of life we are living at the time).
I've only been a stay-at-home mom for a few months and find that when people ask what I do, I'm not totally comfortable admitting it. I tend to focus on what I did before being a mom. So I truly appreciate this piece. I think women's career arcs often go in waves and are more cyclical, unlike the male model which tends to be a straight upward slope. Perhaps where the feminists went wrong was trying to imitate the masculine model and deciding that "equality" or "success" comes from following it instead of creating a new one.
ReplyDeleteI love what you have written! I truly feel in my heart of hearts that home is where I need to be. I feel that I am best serving my children and husband.. and myself when I doing what I do best.. Providing for my family the best way I can. However as we all know I am now working out of the home and sending my boys to school and I dread it every day! There are some women who find value in their career outside the home. I felt most valued when I was in my home.
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